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Offworld Cookery

Season 1

Episodes 8

Welcome to Offworld Cookery, a tragic outdoor food spasm following two (or sometimes three when he can be fucking bothered) inebriated Northern English morons and their failed attempts at cooking three course meals in the wilderness. You may pick up some useful culinary techniques... but we fucking doubt it.

Episode 1 - Hawaiian Style

Learn to cook Hawaiian style – kind of! Shivering shits Chico and Paul get liquored up and grapple with hot pork and mackerel to create a feast on the not-remotely-fucking-tropical Scottish island of Rum.

Episode 2 - Food from the Future

SwearNet's culinary cocktarts travel into the future to cook up a fucked feast of spam, meatloaf, and prawn flavoured cheese in a tube. The future's looking SHIT!

Episode 3 - The Xmas Bird

Holy fuck, there's only 247 days to Christmas! Make sure you're fully prepared by watching Offworld Cookery's masterclass on cooking a totally not shit Xmas dinner!

Episode 4 - 4th of July

English tossers Chico and Paul attempt to cook a fucking magical 4th of July feast. Expect cheeseburgers, liquor, blood, and lots of shit mustard....

Episode 5 - No Meat and Two Veg

So, what do vegetarians look like? And what the fuck do they eat? The Offworld Cookery team investigates, with a little help from a bottle of cider and some fucking terrible music!

Episode 6 - The Battle of Waterloo

Chico and Paul do absolutely fuck all for Anglo-French relations as they attempt to create a meat feast fit for Napoleon – in the fucking rain!

Episode 7 - Ancient Britain Style

It's the final episode in the first FUCKED season of Offworld Cookery! This week: feast like a fucking barbarian and learn how to make goat leg stew and shit soup. Yum fucking yum!

Episode 8 - The Second Coming

Praise be! Jesus Christ Himself (or it might be Chico in a shit wig) cooks a heavenly feast with the aid of holy wine, a burning bush, and a traditional Roman dick spoon!