Tonight's breaking SwearNet News story: Dartmouth man gets hair FUCKED in home hairdressing disaster. Remember, kids - don't fucking laugh and cut!
Mike has an update in his Coronavirus Fuckaround - yup, it's still fucking around. But he also has some good news - an exclusive interview with Canadian fuckin' legend Classified, who has a new track out today called... GOOD NEWS!!
A special message from Robb, JP and Mike.
Cool graphics, shitty disease. Mike has the latest on the Coronavirus, and roving reporter David Zombie checks out a fucked COVID hotspot... or not. And today's Real Fucking Hero, clinical social worker Alicia Jacobs, talks about the mental health impact of the pandemic.
Robb Wells takes a virtual trip to the SwearNet studio and everything is going awesome, until a long-lost superhero calls in... and he's FUCKING WASTED!
Mike Smith stares death in the face (from a 12ft ladder) and tells it to fuck off, he's got News to do. On tonight's briefing: socially-distanced strip clubs, massive murder hornets, and a hard-hitting interview with Actual Fucking Genius, Bill Gates. Well, kinda...
Mike Smith gives you a full 8" as the tiny anchor reports on Trailer Park Boys: The Animated Series, and chats to fuckin' food legend Matty Matheson! Find out what the fuck Matty's been cooking up during lockdown, and his favourite swear word!
Does anyone here like fuckin' TRAINS!?! We've got a treat for you as SwearNet News has a special interview with rock legend Sebastian Bach! He chats about his weed plant disaster, why pandemic buzzes are shit, and has some exclusive news about rock supergroup, Kings of Chaos!
Listen up ya turkey diddlers, it's Pat Roach's first day on the job as SwearNet's news anchor - and it's all going very... FUCKK!!! On tonight's menu - Thanksgiving dinner and dirty old ham!
TONIGHT: Pat gives us the lowdown on Halloween - jacking your pumpkin, dressing up like a DICK, and how not to get fucking killed by trick or treat candy! If anyone gives a FUCK!!
Good ol' Pat Roach has a smile on his face, as he brings us some fuckin' nice news about butterflies! What the FUCK?
Assholes - they're everywhere! Pat Roach investigates the wonderful world of buttholes... and reveals the biggest!
A Special Fucking Report from the Bedford Basin, Nova Scotia. Pat goes beyond the bullshit and asks: Is that mystery barge for sexy sea orgies, or some other fucking thing? And what is the truth behind the royal boob-shaped lodge?
Smith has been at the studio for 4 days straight trying to deal with app fuckery and he is finally joined by the boys to update everyone regarding the app but...studio equipment malfunctions push him to the edge.
Smith explains how the fuck to use the app, including how to sign up, and how to get your in-app payments to work.
And we're LIVE!!! Mike is drunk and testing the SwearNet App LIVE feature. He and Robb 'The Scoop' Wells investigate some fucking big breaking news about Canada's #1 Sexual Muscleman...
